STUCK: The Other side of Valour— #FridayFictioneers

I am a blood sucker!’ she says, teasingly

Walking through the jungles of Otohro village, I wander into the forest where Igbe feast is celebrated. It is legendary for it mystics. I am notorious for my curiosity. I find myself at a brook. Serene and reflective, I make to feel the warmth of the stream but a voice rings out which stops me momentarily.

‘Are you my saviour?’ she asks casually

‘No! Who are you?’ I venture to ask

‘Am a stranger, the villagers want to kill me. Take me with you’ she says from her leisurely-seated posture.

‘To where, I pray thee? I am a stranger, too’

‘I am a blood sucker!’ she says, teasingly.

We are in my room. I offer her a cup of tea; she turns it down. She is visibly hungry.

‘Let me make you Indomie.’

‘No!’

This girl speaks polished grammar, looks sophisticated but acts erratically local.

In the middle of the night, the candlelight flips off. A whimper arises in my ears.

I reach for my phone and switch on the touch-light

‘I am hungry.’ she says apologetically.

‘Go to the pot and help yourself’

‘No, can I suck a little of your blood?’

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48 thoughts on “STUCK: The Other side of Valour— #FridayFictioneers”

  1. Welcome to the party, pal.

    Your piece speaks with your voice; so much so that I hesitate to suggest ways to shorten it. They exist, should you decide to edit further, but I would not worry about it now. The jump from jungle stream to bedroom was jarring and I have to wonder what the protagonist expected. That being said, I remain intrigued, wondering what he received and what he will eventually give in exchange.

    Pleased to have you on board.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    1. Plenty thanks for this comment. The protagonist was just indulging in the fantasy or illusion of the invisibility of a corps member…and he got a knock of the head that brought him back to reality. Thanks so much, Sir!

  2. Guess that’s what you get when you invite blood suckers back to your room. I’m so glad you joined in. You have a unique perspective on things and I look forward to reading your future stories. That year of service must have been wild!
    Here’s mine: bridgesareforburning.wordpress.com/

  3. I could easily see a whole story written around this short piece. I enjoyed the cautiousness of the mc and wonder how he’s going to get out of trouble this time. And like Ron (bridgesareforburning) up there, I’m thinking you had a pretty interesting year of service!

    Thanks for joining us – it’s always good to get new perspectives in our mix of stories.

      1. One of the greatest things about the Fictioneers is that it brings an audience to your work, and if you ask for constructive criticism, there’s plenty eyes to give feedback. Glad you joined 🙂

  4. Interesting story. I enjoy paranormal pieces it would be neat to read the rest. I confess to feeling bad for the character. He was only trying to be helpful. 🙂

  5. Welcome aboard!
    Chilling piece.. Leaves the reader wanting for more! You took liberty with the word limit though.. Try to keep your next one to 100, it’s a very rewarding challenge!

  6. Welcome to Friday Fictioneers.
    Some great imagery in your story. I wonder if you might think about finishing the story at, “‘I am a blood sucker!’ she says, teasingly.” This would have have been around the 100 word mark and would have left the reader wondering what next. Just a thought.

  7. You have a really unique tone to your writing that I like and this piece seemed to somehow take my imagination off to someplace beyond the ordinary. I also enjoyed the dialogue between your two characters, both of whom I found to be instantly likeable. Welcome to #FridayFictioneers from a fellow newbie! 🙂 Take good care & have fun
    (Also, is ‘Indomie’ a brand of instant noodles/ramen?)

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