From the west, clouds came hurrying with the wind like a colony of bees. She clutched to the tree trunk frightened.
In the village, screams of delighted children tossed in the din of the whirling wind towards the forest path.
She watched as a jagged flash rumbled, trembled and cracked in the burrow of the valley below.
The gods are angry she thought, as she took in the sight of the burning bush.
‘Run! Run!’ the voice came in her head ‘the elders must not meet you here’
Lara scampered home amidst the smell of a scorching earth and pelting rain, sycamores bouncing-off her trail.
This story is a contribution to the Friday Fictioneers at Madison Woods‘ blog. Where a crush of writers are inspired by her photo prompt to express a story in 100 words. Please, click to find other stories.
61 thoughts on “SCORCHED”
Is this another of your modern day riffs on Biblical events? Descriptive and fresh, it contains within it the seeds of legend.
Nope, not a biblical one, save an allusion to ‘burning bush’ et al…It’s a legend, rightly so of Myths associated with Thunder strikes in Africa.
Thanks for being here!
Quite a terrifying POV as she sees the bush fire erupting and the earth tearing apart, especially as we know the delighted children are in the path of this oncoming devastation. Well written.
My story is here:
Thanks for stopping by!
Plenty here to evoke the senses, sight, smell, sound, touch … A good one, nicely written.
Thanks Sandra for the visit
Interesting take on the prompt. 🙂
Here is my contribution:
thanks welcome to the gang!
I love where your stories take us, Charles. What great imagery!
Here’s my haiku piece:
I am glad you enjoyed this…crossing over to yours…Thanks for your time out here!
You certainly capture everything in your descriptions, Charles. I can “feel” the events in the writing. I will be back to study this – description is one of my weak points.
I’m over here: http://elmowrites.wordpress.com/2012/03/23/friday-fictioneers-the-crater/
Well, you can always call back…am glad you ‘feel’ something on here…says a lot about my reach for my audience. Thanks for your time here
I have the feeling that Lara is a little girl. How terrifying an unexplained event like this is for an adult – it must be unfathomable for a child. You did well with the imagery and comparison (clouds = angry bees – illustrated your point well)
Thank you, Charles.
~Susan (here’s mine: http://www.susanwenzel.com/)
Yes, she is a little rebellious lad. Gone to a forbidden tree but a natural occurrence happened coincidental and she is attributing it all to god’s anger as obtainable in African.
Thanks Susan for your time here
Very prophetic. I can see this working into a longer piece.
Here is mine. http://www.lisamccourthollar.com/2012/03/dead.html?spref=fb
Thanks for being here…coming over to yours…
The ominous tone, the foreshadowing, all make me wish there was more.
Here’s mine: http://teschoenborn.com/2012/03/22/friday-fictioneer-3/
There is sure to be more…Thanks for being here!
Vivid imagery with ominous undertones – or maybe they’re overt references to something ominous because I don’t know the legend. But it sounds an interesting one!
Some Africans believe when a thunder hits trees or houses it is a sign of angry god…that’s what I tried to explore here, thanks for being here.
I like the juxtaposition of the children’s delight and the perception of angry gods. Intense. Very cool.
I am glad your found it cool. Thanks for being here!
This certainly had a “legend” feel to it. Your images were very moving. Good work.
Thanks…as much legend as superstition as they come in African communities. Thanks for being here!
Beautiful descriptive writing from the first sentence and lots of exciting cataclysmic action. Thanks for sharing your unique and well-crafted story.
Thanks for reading and commenting on my story.
You are always welcome here. Thanks to you too!
I could feel the fright of running through the pelting rain and lightning strikes–I never liked being out in a violent storm. That description added to the fear of being caught makes for an intense feeling. Nice work.
I’m glad you liked it. Thanks for coming around!
So descriptive, I’m placed right at the scene and feels very dramatic. Very well written, good job!
Well, honing my skills in that direction recently…Thanks for letting me know how they come across.
This piece is wonderfully evocative!
Thanks very kindly Quill. I should be a guest at your dabble soon…just found it and still gathering my strength…should be a good exercise to flex my literary muscles. Thanks again!
I agree this is a feast for the senses. Very descriptive and evocative. I wonder if she will stay away from where she isn’t supposed to be from now on? Very nicely written.
She may have learnt her lesson really…but may get to school and uncover the myths surrounding thunderstorms! Hahaha!
Some great similes/metaphors in this piece. Really liked “clouds like bees” line. Mine’s here: http://furiousfictions.com.
Really?! Thanks for the time out here…coming to yours next.
I liked the allusion to the gods through thunder strikes and scorched earth. Nicely done, Charles.
Thank you for the comment on mine. 🙂
I am glad you liked this…happy to have you here. Thank you too!
I caught the African vibe right away. I envisioned a less comical scene than the Gods Must be Crazy, more like Shango the Yoruban Orisha of Lightning. Excellent scene description.
Spot-on! I am from the Yoruba race and that’s what I really had in mind…You know such about my people? Are you a historian or have you visited before? Glad to meet you on this forum. Thanks for sharing with me.
I liked this… a lot. I haven’t heard the word scampered for some time… loved the last paragraph… descriptive images in my head now.
I also liked your homage to Madison at the end. So much so, I’m stealing it for my blog next week. I have always felt clumsy in my efforts to showcase the FFF.
I am on the Tedbook presently, but sharing my attention with work hour…i am gonna have a swell time there, i know when i get home…i also love your bio quite unique. feel free to use what you want it’s a free world they say…Welcome to my world!
I am never shy about steal… borrowing… good ideas… but do I like to warn. Thanks…
I’ve seen you around See. W… I’ll be spending some time here…
Such great imagery and description! I love the clouds hurrying like a swarm of bees and the child scampering home contrasted with the scorched earth and pelting rain. Excellent!
Thanks, Thanks am feeling all loved! Really, yours always crown my efforts. Thanks again!
Wow and thanks right back atcha!
There is an Armageddon feel to your story. Loved the line….’clouds like a swarm of bees’ and the image of the children. Nice. Here’s mine:
Thanks for being here…i enjoyed your story too.
This is a very animated description of thunder. The scene came to life as I read it and the anxiety of the protagonist was highly palpable. I did not understand her fear of being seen by the elders at the spot. Perhaps, there would have been more details had the story continued beyond 100 words.
A very good take on the prompt. Kudos!
Here’s my late entry for the week – http://faitaccompli.wordpress.com/2012/03/24/reflections/
Hey, Parul was on the look out for your story-came in late, but i still enjoyed it. quite philosophical and a good way to start a monday morning.
She was on a forbidden fig tree…and she linked the thunder strike with her presence in the woods…all superstitious!
Thanks for being here!
This was a very well described story, I was quite impressed. And the twist at the end that she was somewhere she wasn’t supposed to be was enjoyable.
I am glad you liked this…enjoyed your story’s happy ending too…Thanks for being here!
Charles, you have such a poetic voice,, and a beautiful way with words. Reading this is pure joy, even with the rising tension which escalates so smoothly. I really enjoyed reading it, and hope she makes it back safely.
Can I thank you enough? No! But here is my little take: You are such a gem…Thanks for your kind words! I am inspired!!
Different take on the picture, but I loved it. So sorry to see it end so soon.
Thanks for stopping by Shirley!
You put us right inside her terrified young mind. I could feel the anxiety rising as she scampered home. Great job, Charles, and thanks for your kind words about mine.
Really?! Glad to hear that..Thanks for stopping by.
This is great, Charles. I like the sense of internal dialogue and the choice to use a close third perspective for this piece. Really evokes the image!