SCORCHED

From the west, clouds came hurrying with the wind like a colony of bees. She clutched to the tree trunk frightened.

In the village, screams of delighted children tossed in the din of the whirling wind towards the forest path.

She watched as a jagged flash rumbled, trembled and cracked in the burrow of the valley below.

The gods are angry she thought, as she took in the sight of the burning bush.

‘Run! Run!’ the voice came in her head ‘the elders must not meet you here’

Lara scampered home amidst the smell of a scorching earth and pelting rain, sycamores bouncing-off her trail.

This story is a contribution to the Friday Fictioneers at Madison Woods‘ blog. Where a crush of writers are inspired by her photo prompt to express a story in 100 words. Please, click to find other stories.

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61 thoughts on “SCORCHED”

    1. Yes, she is a little rebellious lad. Gone to a forbidden tree but a natural occurrence happened coincidental and she is attributing it all to god’s anger as obtainable in African.
      Thanks Susan for your time here

  1. Vivid imagery with ominous undertones – or maybe they’re overt references to something ominous because I don’t know the legend. But it sounds an interesting one!

  2. Beautiful descriptive writing from the first sentence and lots of exciting cataclysmic action. Thanks for sharing your unique and well-crafted story.
    Thanks for reading and commenting on my story.

  3. I agree this is a feast for the senses. Very descriptive and evocative. I wonder if she will stay away from where she isn’t supposed to be from now on? Very nicely written.

  4. I liked the allusion to the gods through thunder strikes and scorched earth. Nicely done, Charles.

    Thank you for the comment on mine. 🙂

    Siobhan

  5. I caught the African vibe right away. I envisioned a less comical scene than the Gods Must be Crazy, more like Shango the Yoruban Orisha of Lightning. Excellent scene description.

    1. Spot-on! I am from the Yoruba race and that’s what I really had in mind…You know such about my people? Are you a historian or have you visited before? Glad to meet you on this forum. Thanks for sharing with me.

  6. I liked this… a lot. I haven’t heard the word scampered for some time… loved the last paragraph… descriptive images in my head now.

    I also liked your homage to Madison at the end. So much so, I’m stealing it for my blog next week. I have always felt clumsy in my efforts to showcase the FFF.

    1. I am on the Tedbook presently, but sharing my attention with work hour…i am gonna have a swell time there, i know when i get home…i also love your bio quite unique. feel free to use what you want it’s a free world they say…Welcome to my world!

      1. I am never shy about steal… borrowing… good ideas… but do I like to warn. Thanks…

        I’ve seen you around See. W… I’ll be spending some time here…

  7. Such great imagery and description! I love the clouds hurrying like a swarm of bees and the child scampering home contrasted with the scorched earth and pelting rain. Excellent!

  8. This is a very animated description of thunder. The scene came to life as I read it and the anxiety of the protagonist was highly palpable. I did not understand her fear of being seen by the elders at the spot. Perhaps, there would have been more details had the story continued beyond 100 words.
    A very good take on the prompt. Kudos!

    Here’s my late entry for the week – http://faitaccompli.wordpress.com/2012/03/24/reflections/

    1. Hey, Parul was on the look out for your story-came in late, but i still enjoyed it. quite philosophical and a good way to start a monday morning.

      She was on a forbidden fig tree…and she linked the thunder strike with her presence in the woods…all superstitious!

      Thanks for being here!

  9. Charles, you have such a poetic voice,, and a beautiful way with words. Reading this is pure joy, even with the rising tension which escalates so smoothly. I really enjoyed reading it, and hope she makes it back safely.

  10. You put us right inside her terrified young mind. I could feel the anxiety rising as she scampered home. Great job, Charles, and thanks for your kind words about mine.

  11. This is great, Charles. I like the sense of internal dialogue and the choice to use a close third perspective for this piece. Really evokes the image!

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