A Promise…(Friday Fictioneers)

Faces

For Writers: I gladly made it to the Fictioneers’ cafe this week again. Really happy to offer this piece and would love a criticism of the effort this time from you all.

For Readers: If your guts is daring you to pick a pen, please let us host your thoughts on this platform >>> Click HERE

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He had told me, of a promise if only I knew the time. I had kept watch by his bed for hundred days.

The porter met me on my way to the grocery

‘Your master departs in moments’

I ran out my breath to his house; if I make it to his last breath, I shall sniff of it to replenish mine.

At the gate, his embossed face, now scowls at me and a hand points eastward…

There a mass for his journey is being said.

But his face on the gate growls pitifully!

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18 thoughts on “A Promise…(Friday Fictioneers)”

  1. Nice and creepy but I think you get an unintended repetition of the last five lines. If it’s not unintended, I apologize for missing the significance. I thought the rest of the story was creepy enough. I could visualize the narrator taking in that last, dying breath of his master.

  2. Whoa! “if I make it to his last breath, I shall sniff of it to replenish mine.” I particularly tripped for this expression. What A PROMISE, so well kept to tickle up a Friday! Ride on Fingerprints

  3. I also was enamored of this line: ” if I make it to his last breath, I shall sniff of it to replenish mine.” It was a very poetic piece of prose, and I couldn’t help but feel, scowl or no, the master somehow cheated the servant.

  4. Dear Charles,

    I love your big picture at the top of the page. Very cool. leets us see you up close and personal. Your story this week had an otherworldly feel to it that was both spooky and sinister. i enjoyed your use of language and description to evoke feeling and mystery. Well done.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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