10 ways to remain unmarried

These days I am amazed at the sheer number of marriage age ladies but who are still unmarried due to all faults of theirs.

It is high time that the Teacher of Men came to the rescue and save the day. Follow this list and land in a matrimony or unfollow and rot in an eternal singledom.

1.       NOT HAVING A TWITTER ACCOUNT

For all you care, it is believed that anyone who operates a twitter account has a level of sophistication. You’ll yourself a world of good if you get one quickly and follow me too.

I met a chic recently, and we got talking. When I told her I am a blogger. She goes “I don’t have a twister (sic) account; what are you blocking self?”

twitter

If Aphrodite were to strike me with her dagger a million times; I would rather die than fall in love with such crudity.

2.       BEING UNAWARES OF YOUR ENVIRONMENT

“How to be a Gentleman” teaches you false expectations of how his advance should be but men are by default not linear in manners; we think in curves and shapes. Ikeja City Mall

I saw a chic at Elephant Bus-stop, and wanted to break the ice with her. I asked, “Please, Where is Ikeja City Mall?” She gave a riposte, “You need new glasses!” I wondered out loud what qualifies her to reach such diagnosis when I only got the one am wearing a week earlier.

Well, she lost the opportunity to meet my charming self 🙂

So, pending when you get ringed learn about your environment and eagerly share description with any guy who cares to ask of you. He may just want to break the ice.

3.       LISTENING TO MUSIC ON TRANSIT

This habit keeps baffling me when I see beautiful unmarried ladies indulge in it. How can you be in such situation—it is a situation when you’re unmarried at 25 (if you must know, at least in Nigeria) and all you do is listen to some music or sermon while a dashing young dude sits next to you?Pinging in a bus

How in God’s name do you expect him to strike out a conversation, when your ears are plugged off? In Gods’ name you should be the one hindering the dude from plugging off his ears when the journey commences. Ask a question like “Is this bus going to stop at Allen bus-stop?” and see what magic will happen, he will rattle on until you get to your bus-stop and may even alight with you.

If you do this for 90 days, striking up conversations with random guys, you shall surely walk down the aisle in the next 90days! Do it, and thank me later.

4.       TICKING ‘IN A RELATIONSHIP’ STATUS ON FACEBOOK

In today’s reality some people change their relationship status faster than they change updates. Soon you’ll think something is wrong with you. Nothing is wrong—everybody is technically doing likewise but something became wrong when you decided to announce yours online.love status

Don’t let the euphoria of the moment sweep you away when a Tom comes your way. Play safe and keep sane. This self-discounting effort reduces your chances of getting married.

At matrimonial age, chances are you have met, liked or commented on your future husband’s status by now; so, keep the atmosphere safe for his entry and don’t scare him away with crazy status updates and needless romances.

5.       NOT UNDERSTANDING ENOUGH GRAMMAR

When it comes to spoken English, we know ladies speak better grammar than guys. But it stops there, when it’s comprehension ladies are seriously wanting.

I was with my erstwhile girlfriend and she asked me, “What extent can you go for me?” “I will do anything for my woman” (don’t forget, man are not linear). She went berserk, “So, you will do anything for any whore out there but me?” I smiled; I hope you get the gist here?

6.       PINGING ON A DATE

It has been said, men are visual beasts, insecure, nonlinear etc. It thus beats my imagination that we go on a date with a lady and she starts pinging.dating

First, you whip up his insecurities. As you avoid eyes contacts he goes thinking you don’t find him attractive—that’s if he’s not a killing-handsome like yours truly! 🙂

Secondly, your hands are apparently covering the curvy balls about you and god help you, to be exposing your bald head as you bow to ping. That’s such a turn-off.

7.       NOT ATTENDING CHURCH/MOSQUE REGULARLY

It is eerie when a woman says she doesn’t go to church/mosque. It is economically not profiting because these are places you get to be in assumptive unions with all the perks of a relationship without any iota of commitment or guilt.

Pastors have made that possible. To increase your economy of scale, you need to make yourself visible at such places.

I was at a church, two Sundays ago as a guest. On the form for guests was a slot for status, I filled: unmarried and for god knows why, a single-sounding-lady has been keeping up with me with calls and sms. Now, here’s how it works, I might visit again just to see her!

For whatever reasons, testimonies abound of people getting married without having a dime—kobo as the case maybe. Though, I still wonder how they keep such marriages.

Of course, I reserve the right to make the list 10 or 7 but if you have any habit that’s sure to keep one unmarried please share with us. I need three more, shoot!!

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9 thoughts on “10 ways to remain unmarried”

  1. Interesting and true. If I may add, I think selfish attitude, inappropriate sense of dressing to mention few could contribute to remaining single though I don’t really concur with age 25 being the ripe age for marriage cos some ladies aren’t even emotionally mature yet by then.

  2. Wonderful piece Charles… Permit me to add Pride and Ignorance to that. And as for the ‘marriageable’ age, any age should do as long as the lady in question has the emotional capacity to be in a marriage. It just a shame that in our dear country(like you rightly added) age is attached to marriage…
    Well done

  3. No facebook, twitter, instagram, BBM or any other social network, my earphones are perpetually jammed into my ears and I couldn’t give directions to save my life. Looks like I’ll be unmarried for a while 🙂

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