You are certainly not interested in my sleeping patterns, but I am going to tell you anyway because you’re mostly likely guilty of the many neglects we accord this simple most important human [excuse me, animals] efforts.
So, a national conference delegate was caught sleeping and died few days later out of shame. While I commend the old man for taking a noble course by taking his own life for such crash disgrace to his family, I condemn in all its ramifications the cries of all Nigerians who persecuted the said man to death. His blood is on your hands.
Contrary to expressed opinion, there aren’t many things Nigerians do really well but when it comes to sleeping, we top the log. If sleeping were an Olympic event, Nigerians would lead the league.
Nigerians have perfected the act of stealing anything, including naps. We crassly indulge in the guilty pleasure of doing it without the knowledge of the other person. Let me share with you some of the places you expect a Nigerian to snooze:
Go to the Church
This is a field were congregants are in a race for who can sleep the most. This explains why Nigerian pastors punctuate sermons with verbal gyration. In my family church, a junior pastor has a way of catching sound dozers. Those who enter the service with seemingly hyphenated-holyghost charge but who became doused mid-way into the sermon.
“If you’re sleeping shout Hallelujah!” Pastor Sam would exclaim.
A certain brother Timo always falls for this trap until he’s had enough and stopped coming to Church.
For some reason, people who don’t nap feel superior to those who do. Therefore, Nappers try to hide it. There’s a sophistication to this act at work because of the grave consequences it attracts it you’re caught.
A former colleague has perfected this act so much, so the confidence pushed him to try it out at general meetings–which essentially, were a way for the MD to delight at the torture of holding ransom the destiny of us all for undefined hours.
At every turn for his contribution, Kay would smartly say I second the wisdom of Mr Charles :). Now, I agree to being witty, but prefer my lone voice against the tide of reasoning, Kay would not let me shine. His little act was let out the day I decided not to share any ‘wisdom’ until Kay has had a go…
Facts about Sleep
Now, you’ve to understand, any man who confesses to lacking quality sleeping time is liable to committing any imaginable crime in the books.
Lack of sleep is the root cause of all crimes.
Sleeping is a major quality we share with other created beings like llamas, Chimpanzees and other important personalities in the wild.
Sleeping while the wife is expressing her mind is a cardinal crime punishable by… [Fill in running stomach and allergic reactions]
A wife sleeping during a league match is the best pleasure nature could bless a man with…this could be achieved ‘otherwisely’ of course [DM me if you care to know…Guys only, pls!]
Naps are underrated. I don’t know why we dismiss napping as an inconsequential little act. The word itself doesn’t even sound important. I think everyone should get off his or her feet and lie down for a few minutes now. Yes, you read it right, go ahead, take a Nap!
There, my friends, goes my justification for a sound guiltless sleep even at conferences.
Finally Final Word…
So, I am participating in the #AtoZChallenge [wish me luck!] and for consideration of the game this post couldn’t be longer than this…
If you’re from the #A2ZChallenge, Please follow me on Twitter: @SeeWilhelms
…to add a little is creativity!