What NOT to buy Your Boss for Christmas

There are a lot of things to consider when shopping for Christmas most of them are not suitable for your boss as gifts.

I know despite my warnings about how to save your money this season, some of you cannot stand the forlorn looks darting your way like fiery arrows across the office. You feel pressed by the cavalier display of qualified affection thrown around by your colleagues towards your bosses.

You should know some people like anything you give them just because you gave it to them. Other people never like anything you give them and there’s nothing you can do about it – most bosses fall into the latter category.

1. So, what’s the most suitable gift to share with your bosses this Christmas? The honest answer is nothing; but, who wants honest answers when there’s enough to squander and go-a-borrowing in January?
2. But buying a greeting card is as wasteful as it is common. Your boss doesn’t fancy having a reminder of your-inept-self hanging around her home, what are you thinking? That’s a no-no.
3. So, you want to consider wine, gin or juice? There again is a wrong move! You risk communicating your intent of poisoning him without remorse. Moreover, he can come back to report food poisoning linked with your gift. Trust me; you don’t want your relationship to take this turn.
4. Oh, the good old necktie, scarf and muffler? While at it you should consider shoelaces, polish brushes and umbrella’s cases. Of course, you know you wanna cheap-out guess you know your boss knows value too? Pray, what makes you think your boss will need a necktie, was there an occasion in the year that he requested to use yours?
5. Let’s say you hit a big commission so you want to splurge your boss for the season. Grand pixel images of iPhone 6+, Zara brogue shoe, Prada bag, Rolex watch pan in and out of your mind, beware this will ultimately set you up for failure in the coming year. What do you think will be the impression of your colleagues who supported you to meet your target when you come to flaunt your gratitude and they can hardly afford token?
6. Books are the most giftable items at any season because we have more idiots around us than mere instructions can cure. But something makes your boss a boss in the first place. Yes, he has read more books than you or so he made your organization to believe. Your book gift will be useless to him, except you know he is a grand idiot –kindly go ahead and help this nation, click here.

7. 

   ‘Does this have anything to do with your Christmas bonus?’

   How about cash gifting? If I am in your organization and I happen to see you giving our departmental head a cash gift, I will blow the whistle on you! Transactional purpose of cash is to tendered in exchange for a service or goods. You don’t want us to start assuming things around here.

We have successfully eliminated unsuitable gifts for your boss and we are left with nothing! Are we?

You may consider vanity cufflinks, evangelical mugs that screams “Hell is real”, sewing thread, sleeping pills, dunlop slippers, mopping sticks, chopping  sticks, toothpicks, NTA subscription bouquet just about anything that reflects how he made you feel the year gone-by.

This is a reminder to live simple and conduct our affairs in stoic contemplation.

How NOT to shop for Christmas

I hate holidays just as much as every other hard working Nigerian should. Not only because I spend my hard earned money on frivolities but also because I get time-off work and don’t know what to do with it. The most difficult thing, after dipping your hands in soapy water, is definitely shopping for Christmas. You have to separate your friends into categories, go shopping for hours and if you’re really having a shitty life, you might even have expectations from some of your family members. I know this feeling.

Here are few hacks to see you through this difficult moment:

The shopping [c]art

What NOT to buy for Christmas

In a classy exhibition of 21^st century foolishness people look out for deals on how to save their hard earned money by spending it. This season, you will hear save 25% off, Buy-one-get-one-free etc. Don’t be fooled. The only way to save your money is by not spending, it’s that simple!

There’s a big difference between the way stores treat us at Christmas and the way they treat us the rest of the year. In March, June or September, you walk into a store and a salesperson comes up with, “May I help you?” the story changes as soon as sales peak and human traffic thickens you will need more than your mere presence to get the attention of any sales attendant this time; if you attempt to make away without paying then you will know how attentive of your presence they are.

Your best shopping guide this season is to make a list of all those you think you owe something tangible, then go ahead and make a reason that disqualifies them from receiving anything from you. Your list should look something like this:

Tier 1: these are your “close” friends; you always have to buy them the real gifts. If you don’t, you might as well get new friends because they won’t forgive you. The rule of thumb here is to find something that you really want for them, and then find any excuse, tenable excuse I mean, not to buy it. Jam your ATM card, go to prison just anything that is more pitiful than you actually buying them anything. There is a peace that comes after this experience.

Tier 2: Co-workers. You see them every day. This is like a membership club. You don’t really care what they think, but you want to renew your membership anyway to keep things running smooth. The price? Relatively cheap: a chocomilo cube per person or a virtual greeting card can easily add up; Hell, no! You’re not gonna spend your money on them? How can you forget mails without responses,  unwarranted memos from HR, the parking space challenge, the water dispenser gossips and of course, the fact that you’re not being paid well because someone among them receives too much.

Tier 3: These are your back-up friends. They’re people you either went to school with or worked with, and every once in a while when you’re desperate you’ll hang out with them. You don’t really have the best chemistry and they sometimes cling to you for a couple of weeks, it’s not worth it. Best to avoid, but if you have no choice, send them an SMS, of course it has to be free from the network. If not, that’s enough reason not to do it.

 

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This is the first installment of Christmas shopping series, enjoy!