Tag Archives: Nigeria

President Jonathan MemeThis is 2014. And you would expect that people have come to a mastery of the nuisances of arguments but you only need to tune-in to news at 10 on Channels Television to know how far people have fallen in reasoning. You can only imagine the agony of the Greeks who laboured for the fine art of dialogue and discuss that has become trivial in our current state.

I am talking about the puerile adverts that the office of the president of Nigeria and his sympathizers host on air to harass one’s sensibilities.

Now, the problem with being a commentator of my standing in a country like this is my constant struggle between calling out the idiots in government and a more difficult task of punching holes in the logic of greater fools of a citizenry.

For what it’s worth, President Jonathan needs a new copywriter for his publicity campaigns. A basic requirement for a suitable candidate should be an aptitude in logical reasoning. A common line of fallacy is sewn along all publicity efforts of the Jonathan’s government.

Pray, what’s with all rhetoric of terrorism is a global phenomenal? So, is that a case for Nigerians to live with it? I beg to differ, why are our precepts taken from far-fetched countries? The last I checked terrorism isn’t yet a continental issue or even a regional one. With countries like Ghana, Egypt and South Africa basking in the euphoria of secured communities. Is terrorism a reality? Yes! But that doesn’t excuse the fallacy that the presidency continually builds its debates.

Another instance I find this mono-polar reasoning presidency inept is its recent appeal to argumentum ad populum. My daily news session is soured by this advert that run like: Mandela did it, President Obama is doing it therefore Goodluck Jonathan would do it…” not only did this claim run afoul of more than four fallacies it is a grievous heresy that I still wonder why Obama hasn’t sued for slander.

This assertion not only tries to equate a Goodluck Jonathan reasoning (which has been questioned on many occasions) and capabilities with that of the finest the world has seen but assumes Jonathan is doing anything at all.

In the meantime, I have a suggestion for the morons who write these copies for Mr President: “When problems faced Libya, Ghadaffi sacrificed his live for the nation; when issues stood against Murtala he laid his life for Nigeria, President Jonathan can do it for Nigeria and he will do it soon!”

The free copy up there would do my world a lot of good if the president can communicate his readiness to tackle our challenges head-on not with rhetoric and unfitting comparison and appeal to sentiments.


Just so we are clear. This doesn’t in anyway supports the greater fools of a citizenry and their stands against the president.

Explaining it all to you

Not today, but soon perhaps, I’ll be explaining the difference between PDP [Peoples’ Democratic Party] and APC [All Progressive Congress] to you. I’ll tell you how they both started, who is fighting who and why. I think by the time I finish my explanation, it will make a lot more sense to you than it does now. First, of course, I’ll have to find out myself.

I haven’t quite decided how, but I’ll probably start by explaining the difference between the two parties. One of them is peopled by corrupt politicians and we know the other is populated by those excommunicated from the other.

One of the downsides of the issues for most Nigerians is that the faces in the two parties are essentially the same. A face you saw on the television yesterday adorned in green and red is waving the broom, with so much violence, today. It isn’t as though they look like Militants or Boko Haram. Looking like Militants or Boko Haram makes it a lot easier to tell them apart than calling them PDP or APC. Don’t worry about it for now, though. Just as soon as I find out what it’s all about, I’ll let you know.

While I am at it, I might as well comment on the similarities between the NPF and the INEC. The former means Nigeria Police Force and the later means Independent National Electoral Commission.

Both names share the simplest and most hidden ironies our time. The force is owned by a select few and the commission is commissioned to the apron springs of a single party.

They both determine which court orders they obey and which state or party deserves a listening ears.
Injustice, deprivation and pilferage have being the bane of this nation.

The Nigeria of today may as well make no pretences to alternative choices as we can hardly make a guess on the alternative. Impunity reigns in both ruling and opposition parties to the chagrin of the people.

Governance has been reduced to a ping-pong game of accusations and puerile allegations. The work is left undone and the nation descends down the abyss of degradation like a vehicle without a clutch.

It is a pitiable state we are in and it is time for all and sundry to put hands on the plough of nation building and make a destiny for ourselves.

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Shh! Silence, please!

What Nigerians don't Understand
What Nigerians don’t Understand

There’s a conspiracy against silence in Nigeria. We seem to prefer a shout to a whisper in this country.

Nigerians are the noisiest group of people I know. As a new corps member in Delta State I had wondered, what’s the cause of malicious exchanges between relatives?  I realized Urhobo use higher decibel in communication not necessarily as quarrels.

Everywhere you go, someone is making noise. They aren’t making sounds, they’re making noise. People who make noise for their own amusement intrude on the privacy of silence to which the rest of us are entitled.

Silence is a natural state. Any noise is a deviation from the norm. A lion doesn’t roar for more than a few minutes out of 24 hours, and while I don’t know any lion personally, I’ll bet there are days lions choose not roar at all. How often do you hear thunder, the eruption of a volcano or the rumble of an earthquake? These natural sounds are special and they only break the earth’s silence on rare occasion.

I don’t understand why some people insist on filling the air with noise. They can’t stand to be in a car without having the radio on. They can’t stand being anywhere with nothing but the natural sounds of earth in their ears.

In noise making?
In noise making?

I guess our country is besiege with heavy conscience people; People who can’t stand the reprimanding of a sick conscience and would do anything to crowd out the thought or voices from within.

You can’t have a peaceful ride to work on public bus these days. Either the driver is tuned to some commercial craze stations as in the BRT or there are evangelical brethren bent on winning your soul to Christ regardless of choice.

You get to work and your colleague is playing some solemn music in the corner even though it’s against the company’s policy.

You start making your calls as a marketer and the telecom companies are dying to entertain you with some caller tunes. If I have to wait for someone on the phone, I don’t want the thought of what I wish to pitch crowded out of my head by some inane bit of music.

When you get home, the war against silence continuous; the neighbours’ generating sets, on way past into the night and some dude who blasts music from the next flat are there to content with.

This man is always at the gate to our estate...
This man is always at the gate to our estate…

It’s the gratuitous noise that irritates me most. When a driver hunks his horn indiscriminately; the frequent lack of discretion of ambulance users and sirens for politicians. There ought to be genuine medical emergencies, not some rogue at wheels.

As similar as I want to believe the English and Yoruba grammar share some idioms. It is only in the Yoruba – a race known for their excessive exaggeration of things that this idiom exists: “Aye agbo, orun amo. [The earth will hear, the heaven will know]. You’ll agree with me that for the heaven to be privy to anything we do on earth a noise of thunderous proportion must have been generated and sent to the skies.

I realize now that when I was a kid, some of the boys I played with were constant screamers. They always made more noise by yelling louder than the rest of us. It’s a trait some people carry with them through life. They do everything louder than everyone else.

These people are the ones ripping us off in ludicrous ways with corruption. For anyone, who must host heaven and earth, in a party must have stolen big to make it possible.