Tag Archives: Sex

You Have The Rights to Surrender Your Balls!

I will go straight to the point; I am not going to treat you with some kind of kid-glove.

Some recent realities have necessitated my early retreat from a long furlough. The battle of the sexes has suffered some irreparable damage—no thanks to some pacifists trying to end a war that began long before they were conceived.

When Eve gave that apple to Adam what do you think was happening? Do you think Adam’s sense of responsibility went on a break? No! It was simply blackmail!

So, here goes the story, Pa Adam did some wrong [perceived on real, depending on her heat status], she sought the company of the sapient got deceived, then blackmailed Pa Adam to eating the apple as a term for reconciliation. And don’t go preachy on me. What does a man do following a lady up and down a garden? Doesn’t your bible say, “…and she gave it to her husband who was with her”?

Well you know the end of the story. The ground was cursed because of man, and we were made to till [I mean till, in the other senses] and sweat and some damned deodorants companies rip us off.

Now, if you are a man reading this, I assume you are proving true to every hair on your moustache… because if you happen to fall into the category of men that buy sanitary pads for some whore, in whatever name you brand her…  you have the rights to surrender your balls, fried and fed to Ogborigbo. [That’s Urhobo name for Iguana]

Come to think of it, what kind of sexual perversity would make a lady fantasize about a guy buying her pads or bra or lingerie? It is like your mother knowing your condom size as a guy.

Let’s face it, some things are and should be no-go-area between the sexes.

What's The Hitch?
What’s The Hitch?

Where Romance Stops

There are a lot of things one may do with a lady albeit not in loosening her hair. Heaven knows the Derica of dandruff some ladies’ heads shed per month.

You risk inhaling them as you loosen her hair. And, you will like to count me out of the game if this has anything to do with physical attraction.

Many times, i wonder how ladies lived with themselves. I mean you get to have that hitch sometimes, how do you cope?

 

The MP

There is so much I want to know about a lady like her Psychotic history and HIV status but not her monthly rounds. My ex- was a lady to the core. It took me months and a breakup to know MP is anything other than malaria Parasite. It was that rare visitor my grandma scared momma with back in the days!

But you as a guy have no business in knowing this business. By the time you share her monthly cramp circle, and it is noticeable in your work, my friend you need to seek help! Like the nearest transgender facility in your neighbourhood.

But, before then you may need to burn your mustache with a candle as a sign of being ashamed of who you are.

Trust

Do you see what I mean?
Do you see what I mean?

Contrary to logical expectation I do trust ladies with many things like a safe place to keep my socks, shoelaces and cuff-links; of course, even, my expired ATM cards. 😉 I am that awesome!

However, no matter the level of relations never trust your balls to a lady with long fingernails; same for you ladies, at least not to any man with an irregular dentition.

******

These are no go areas and for as long as day and night rule the earth we should abide by some modicum of privacy between the sexes.

Now, let the battle continue, and if you are not man, enough…tender your balls now and forever remain a Sisi.

 

Advertisements

A Complete Brutal Techniques for Self-defence for all Ladies

Many women unnecessarily suffer from abusive men in modern times. That is over, as soon as you can link them to this blog. Recently, I got an epiphany to change the world, one issue at a time. Here I go, fulfilling the mandate.

Men are naturally abusive…

Simple fact to know, even the meekest of them has lurking within him rage of violence. Your duty as a lady, and a potential mate, is to let him know, to what degree your temper matches his. Funnily, men are very perceptive beings, and when you send the right signals I bet he will cane up in line. Follow these simple transmitting codes:

Hit a strike with a strike…

Hollywood has painted this silly image of romance that every lady now looks forward to…

Nothing Romantic here
Nothing Romantic here

Your man steals into the kitchen and instead of being human and greet you, spanks your bums, but you go romanticizing about how sweet he is…I got news for you, 98% of all abuses starts when a man wells up courage to strike a woman under whatever guise.

When next your man tries that with you, turn around, give him a sweet smile, and clamp his balls in your hand tightly and ask how his day was; of course, he is gonna squish but make sure you keep the smiling.

#When he comes home the next day, guess where he’s gonna be greeting you from? Correct, form the living room…

Give him a blow too...
Give him a blow too…

Be alert even at fun time

Men are silly, I must tell you this. You know some come into relationships with habits they have shunned amongst their male gang. Have you ever watched a football match with any who intermittently strikes you as the action heats up? Well, in the past, you have excused them, thinking it’s done in the heat of passion.

Safe your head, when the game gets high maybe a side scores; look him in the face, in disbelief and land him a hard blow in the tummy…asking:  “Can you believe Drogba did that?” For good measure, land him another shouting “It-is-a-G-O-A-L!!!”

#I bet my career, he will never crave to watch another match with you…

 

Be fictitious

In this part of the world being fictional is no great deal for women—they spend most of their productive time on the TV. When you are setting out on dating that period you fill each other in on your past? Yes, that’s when to foreground his heart with fears for you. Of course, you’re only playing even. Or do you believe all the tales of his conquests (of this and that girl in the past) just because he said so? Think again…

crutch his balls...
crutch his balls…

Tell him about your uncle, who scotched a boy’s scrotum because he followed you home at element school or how your brother in the military promised to castrate any man who dares to marry you and divorced you later.

#The guy will definitely not show up for the next date, if he has a history of battering women.

Get him to see a movie with you

Most of the battles of self-defence are fought on the territory of the heart. Once in a while, get your mate to see a movie with you and you should be smart at the selection of which…

When a scene in the movie signals real life possibilities express your view in strong threatening terms…”if a guy dares to treat me like that…” “If I were to suspect my mate’s fidelity, I can kill to get my end.”

#These are no mere words and I’m sure he will take them to heart.

For Rape Preys and Victims

Once in a life time, you fall victim of sexual abusers who may want to defile you, if you live in countries like Nigeria, South Africa and India

Simple rule, never beg to be free and never panic.

Men are scared too...
Men are scared too…

The animal instinct in such men only gets inspired with your struggles…

Relax and smile, ask: “Is it sex that you really want?”

“Well. Relax, I have always wanted you, anyway!”

But, you gonna wear a condom, because I don’t Wanna have AIDS again”

#He will simply let you go, for clearly, blood will diffuse as fast away from his member.

***Continues…***