A QUICK WORD

Let Go of your aspirations

Commit your ways to the LORD; Trust in him, and he will act.

He will bring forth your vindication as the light and your right as the noonday

Be still before the LORD, and wait patiently for him…”

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For me this is an eye opener verse. I need to give all 100% of my trust for God to act in my life. And, waiting on him is more than prancing about in agitation but more of being still and patiently waiting for his timing.

You Have The Rights to Surrender Your Balls!

I will go straight to the point; I am not going to treat you with some kind of kid-glove.

Some recent realities have necessitated my early retreat from a long furlough. The battle of the sexes has suffered some irreparable damage—no thanks to some pacifists trying to end a war that began long before they were conceived.

When Eve gave that apple to Adam what do you think was happening? Do you think Adam’s sense of responsibility went on a break? No! It was simply blackmail!

So, here goes the story, Pa Adam did some wrong [perceived on real, depending on her heat status], she sought the company of the sapient got deceived, then blackmailed Pa Adam to eating the apple as a term for reconciliation. And don’t go preachy on me. What does a man do following a lady up and down a garden? Doesn’t your bible say, “…and she gave it to her husband who was with her”?

Well you know the end of the story. The ground was cursed because of man, and we were made to till [I mean till, in the other senses] and sweat and some damned deodorants companies rip us off.

Now, if you are a man reading this, I assume you are proving true to every hair on your moustache… because if you happen to fall into the category of men that buy sanitary pads for some whore, in whatever name you brand her…  you have the rights to surrender your balls, fried and fed to Ogborigbo. [That’s Urhobo name for Iguana]

Come to think of it, what kind of sexual perversity would make a lady fantasize about a guy buying her pads or bra or lingerie? It is like your mother knowing your condom size as a guy.

Let’s face it, some things are and should be no-go-area between the sexes.

What’s The Hitch?

Where Romance Stops

There are a lot of things one may do with a lady albeit not in loosening her hair. Heaven knows the Derica of dandruff some ladies’ heads shed per month.

You risk inhaling them as you loosen her hair. And, you will like to count me out of the game if this has anything to do with physical attraction.

Many times, i wonder how ladies lived with themselves. I mean you get to have that hitch sometimes, how do you cope?

 

The MP

There is so much I want to know about a lady like her Psychotic history and HIV status but not her monthly rounds. My ex- was a lady to the core. It took me months and a breakup to know MP is anything other than malaria Parasite. It was that rare visitor my grandma scared momma with back in the days!

But you as a guy have no business in knowing this business. By the time you share her monthly cramp circle, and it is noticeable in your work, my friend you need to seek help! Like the nearest transgender facility in your neighbourhood.

But, before then you may need to burn your mustache with a candle as a sign of being ashamed of who you are.

Trust

Do you see what I mean?

Contrary to logical expectation I do trust ladies with many things like a safe place to keep my socks, shoelaces and cuff-links; of course, even, my expired ATM cards. 😉 I am that awesome!

However, no matter the level of relations never trust your balls to a lady with long fingernails; same for you ladies, at least not to any man with an irregular dentition.

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These are no go areas and for as long as day and night rule the earth we should abide by some modicum of privacy between the sexes.

Now, let the battle continue, and if you are not man, enough…tender your balls now and forever remain a Sisi.

 

THOUGHTS ON TRUST

Trust everyone even if it hurts...

Could there be a better caption to tickle my fantasy in this new month? I doubt so! I am in a reflective mood: assessing things gone, actions done and consequences borne. The last leap year stands out in my memories like a leprous finger—I wish I could undo a lot in that year. But like a child burnt by the fire, I said ‘ouch!’ and have since moved on.

This month is notorious for the treachery of man, the actual beginning of man’s inhumanity to man. A day in this month earmarked as Ides of March when the closest allies of an emperor murdered him in cold blood (I wonder the use of that phrase, could there be warm-blooded murder?).

That was the death of Julius Caesar in the hands of Marcus Junius Brutus and Gaius Cassius Longinus. For many that is a classic premise for their myopic distrust of fellow species.

My thought on trust is that without an element of trust we cannot make a head way in our daily lives. We see all around us people crying for only a modicum of trust and they could turn around the world. All triumphs, all breakthroughs are celebrations of those who stood at the brink of existence, defied the cynicism of others, saw far into the future enough to stick out their necks and take a chance on somebody’s dream or themselves.

It is easy for us not to trust those unfortunate enough to be acquainted to us but it beats my imagination how we sell-out ourselves to total strangers.

In my early life, mother warned us not to collect grubs and the likes from strangers, even schoolmates—apocalyptic teachings were rife then—but she hands out dough to us to purchase grubs on our own. I never ceased to wonder that if Satan (why do some pentecostals preachers call him: Satan the Devil?) cared enough to populate Hell why border to use my friend; he could own a grocery store and lure all he cares.

My Father would not allow me to drive him in his car but would gladly hop into a bus at the bus station without asking for the license of the supposed driver. ‘He can’t be here if he couldn’t drive a car. The authority here wouldn’t allow that’ he had told me someday.

We are quick to trust the authorities but never give our relations the benefit of doubt. What if there is a grand conspiracy to test-run some possibilities? As I was made to know in the course of my national service year, as a Development Knowledge Facilitator, by a local who believes immunisation is a plan by the government to depopulate our country. You see, people could go to any length to distrust anything.

My take on this, is that our readiness to be distrustful of our close allies is killing the possibilities our relationship could assume.

If you don’t want to bestow trust you don’t deserve to be trusted either. The level of trust we give out says a lot about our inner being.