Beauty Sleep? There’s nothing like that idiot!

Myths are rife in backward societies but the advance of modern technology has made that definition hardly fitting for any society.

You have heard the idiomatic expression: Go have a ‘beauty sleep’ and many other variants of the sleep and beauty combo.

There is nothing like beauty sleep, end of story! If there were, some people don’t have any reason to look like Bounce [that Congolese footballer whose countenance could break any mirror he looks into].

This idiom is one of the lies the fathers of the language doled out. There’s is nothing beautiful about the act of sleeping.

You need to see the contortions on your face when you sleep. It is a rare person who looks or act as well asleep as he does awake. As a dating rule, I don’t ask out a lady until I could see the form and extent of her facial contours while at sleep. Some faces are horrific to wake up to! Forget all the cheesy lines of “I want to wake up and observe your smile in your sleep” that poets use.

Sometimes ago, I tried to carry out this experiment on a lady. At night, while in bed the poet in me made to write a poem about her smile-in-the-sleep but was met with a rude shock of my life.

The lady’s face was transformed into… [I’d leave you to fill in the gap]. She roused suddenly with that feeling you have that a pair of eyes is searing into you. Her expression changed from the-morning-after look to concern upon seeing something on my face…which was only a reflection of her sleeping countenance.

She: “What’s the problem Charly?”

Me: “Oh, I had a nightmare!”

Sleep, as expressed in my previous post is an essential part of our existence. Some people sleep away a-quarter of their lives but others do not get enough.

I believe sound sleeping habits should be encouraged and practiced but lying about if sleeping makes you beautiful or fat is another ball game.

 

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This is a contribution to the #AtoZChallenge at http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/

If this most has made you laugh you owe me a cent in your words in the comment box…You can look forward to more ideas throughout the month of April on this space.

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Follow me on Twitter: @SeeWilhelms

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Charles is a chauvinist satiric humorist who plies his trade regardless of whose balls are ruptured. He suffers from bouts of cynicism since the day he encountered logic. Be warned!

A Case for Sleep

You are certainly not interested in my sleeping patterns, but I am going to tell you anyway because you’re mostly likely guilty of the many neglects we accord this simple most important human [excuse me, animals] efforts.

Hamma Misau

So, a national conference delegate was caught sleeping and died few days later out of shame. While I commend the old man for taking a noble course by taking his own life for such crash disgrace to his family, I condemn in all its ramifications the cries of all Nigerians who persecuted the said man to death. His blood is on your hands.

Contrary to expressed opinion, there aren’t many things Nigerians do really well but when it comes to sleeping, we top the log. If sleeping were an Olympic event, Nigerians would lead the league.
Nigerians have perfected the act of stealing anything, including naps. We crassly indulge in the guilty pleasure of doing it without the knowledge of the other person. Let me share with you some of the places you expect a Nigerian to snooze:

Go to the Church
This is a field were congregants are in a race for who can sleep the most. This explains why Nigerian pastors punctuate sermons with verbal gyration. In my family church, a junior pastor has a way of catching sound dozers. Those who enter the service with seemingly hyphenated-holyghost charge but who became doused mid-way into the sermon.
“If you’re sleeping shout Hallelujah!” Pastor Sam would exclaim.
A certain brother Timo always falls for this trap until he’s had enough and stopped coming to Church.

At Work
For some reason, people who don’t nap feel superior to those who do. Therefore, Nappers try to hide it. There’s a sophistication to this act at work because of the grave consequences it attracts it you’re caught.

A former colleague has perfected this act so much, so the confidence pushed him to try it out at general meetings–which essentially, were a way for the MD to delight at the torture of holding ransom the destiny of us all for undefined hours.

At every turn for his contribution, Kay would smartly say I second the wisdom of Mr Charles :). Now, I agree to being witty, but prefer my lone voice against the tide of reasoning, Kay would not let me shine. His little act was let out the day I decided not to share any ‘wisdom’ until Kay has had a go…

Facts about Sleep
Now, you’ve to understand, any man who confesses to lacking quality sleeping time is liable to committing any imaginable crime in the books.
Lack of sleep is the root cause of all crimes.
Sleeping is a major quality we share with other created beings like llamas, Chimpanzees and other important personalities in the wild.
Sleeping while the wife is expressing her mind is a cardinal crime punishable by… [Fill in running stomach and allergic reactions]
A wife sleeping during a league match is the best pleasure nature could bless a man with…this could be achieved ‘otherwisely’ of course [DM me if you care to know…Guys only, pls!]

Final Word
Naps are underrated. I don’t know why we dismiss napping as an inconsequential little act. The word itself doesn’t even sound important. I think everyone should get off his or her feet and lie down for a few minutes now. Yes, you read it right, go ahead, take a Nap!
There, my friends, goes my justification for a sound guiltless sleep even at conferences.

Finally Final Word…
So, I am participating in the #AtoZChallenge [wish me luck!] and for consideration of the game this post couldn’t be longer than this…
If you’re from the #A2ZChallenge, Please follow me on Twitter: @SeeWilhelms

…to add a little is creativity!

The Coming of my Book

A Wink in the Dark

Finally, we are glad to announce the coming of a Collection of Short Stories by Charles Oyeleke Williams. You can look out for this page for the downloadable PDF edition.